Promises
by Wings of the Jay
Summary: I, Lucy Heartfilia, was weak and selfish. I guess that's how I ened up crying my eyes out on the floor of my bathroom. Of course you could always blame him and say that it's all his fault that I'm like this, but deep down inside I know it's all me.


We cry because we are selfish.

We cry when all the selfishness in our body has built up so much that we can't stand it and are forced to let it out.

We cry because our fish died or our boyfriend broke up with us.

We cry because we are weak.

I, Lucy Heartfilia, was weak and selfish. Not only mentally, but physically. I hide behind my friends and run from any sign of danger.

And now, here I was, sitting in my bathroom bawling my eyes out. It was pitiful.

My mind crawled through the afternoon's events. Where exactly had everything gone so wrong? His face grinned back at me as I peered into my memories. At the thought of him, my heart twisted and I clenched my jaw to suppress another whimper that threatened to break through. More tears streamed down my cheeks.

My fingers scrabbled at the countertop behind me and I clutched at it, dragging myself up. Turning myself around, I leaned forward, gazing at my disheveled self in the mirror. Gods, I was a mess.

I squeezed my eyes shut and felt more liquid leak from them. I didn't even have my looks to depend on now. The person in the mirror was a stranger. Her hair was falling out of the side ponytail that it had previously been collected in. Makeup was smudged around red eyes water glistened on her cheeks.

That wasn't the me I knew. The me I knew wouldn't be crying over something like this.

Or would she?

I dragged shaking fingers through my hair, nails scraping against my scalp. Releasing my bangs, I dropped my hand to the counter. They flopped back down to my face.

I sank back down into a crouching position, my head pressed up to the cool counter. Shaky breaths seized my chest.

A loud banging erupted from my door. "Lucy!" a voice called. "Luce, are you okay?"

The blood drained for my cheeks as his voice broke through my thoughts. I hefted my body to the side and stuck my head out the doorway of the bathroom.

"Go away," I croaked, wincing at the sound of my voice. I sounded just as bad as I looked.

"Don't make me break down this door!"

He would. I wouldn't put it past him. With a great sigh, I made to get up. I wasn't going to allow him to break my apartment, especially not when I had just managed to pay this month's rent.

Straightening up, I took a step forward, but instead of firm ground it was met by a slick surface. My feet shot out from underneath me and the world spun around me. My descent was stopped by a loud _crack_ and pain shot through my skull.

Fuzzily, as if from far away, I heard someone yell my name and wood splintering. Steps pounded against the floor and a worried face appeared framed in the door.

"Na-tsu," I mumbled, dazedly.

"Lucy, are you okay?" he asked, leaning down to me. A hand stretched out, hoping to aid me.

My drifting mind snapped back into focus when his hand touched my cheek. I jerked my head away, succeeding in sending another jolt of pain through me.

"Wait," he said. "You're bleeding."

I lifted my own hand to my head. I touched the back of it gingerly and was met by a warm, sticky substance. Drawing my hand back, I gazed at the red-stained fingers in wonder.  
"Luce," Natsu snapped. "Focus!"

Another moment of clarity grasped my mind and I launched myself into action. I leaned to the side and pulled a towel of the rack above my head. I pressed it against my head and opened a cabinet on my other side. I tugged a first aid kit out beneath some beauty products and toiletries and plopped it down in my lap.

"Help me," I grit out, fumbling to open the lid. He gave a start and reached down to assist me.

As much as it pains me to admit it, he actually did a good job wrapping the wound and stopping the bleeding. A stiff bandaged was now binding my head.

"There you go." He grinned down at me.

I looked away. "Thanks."

His smile slid off his face and his brow drew together. "What's wrong?"

I sighed. Getting carefully back onto my feet, I brushed past him and entered my room. "Go away," I muttered to the lamp.

"What?" I could hear the hurt in his voice. "Lucy…" The last word was voiced in a plea.

"What do you want, Natsu?" I asked weakly, sinking down on my bed.

He hesitated for a moment, tugging at his scarf nervously. "Mira said you left the party early. You alright?"

I hugged my knees to my chest, tucking them underneath my chin. I could feel his eyes piercing me, but I refused to return his gaze. Silence was thick in the air.

Finally I responded, "It was your going away party." It came out as a whisper, a quiet hum against my leg.

There was another pregnant pause and my mind wondered what he was doing. How would he respond? The question compelled me to sneak a peek through my hair, which had fallen over my face. I lifted my head ever so slightly and cracked an eye open. A confused Natsu, worry glimmering in his eyes, stood before me.

My head fell back to my knees. "I don't want you to go."

Out of the corner of my eye I watched as he nearly fell over with shock. "Is that what this is all about? Just me leaving?"

_Just_ him leaving? Was it really just that? My heart didn't seem to agree with that. I'm not sure that Natsu really believed that, but he gave a sigh of relief. "Don't scare me like that, Lucy. I thought I had done something wrong."

I clamped my hand down on the pillow and chucked it at him. "Don't you understand?" I told him. "You've done _everything _wrong, Natsu."

He stood there, dumbstruck. "What?"

"Dammit, Natsu, listen to me!" Anger swelled in my voice. "You're going to run off to go find Igneel. What if something happens to you? What if you…" I couldn't finish my sentence; it was stuck like a lump in my throat.

In a second he had crossed the room, his hands on either side of my head, jerking it up so I was forced to look at him. For a second I thought he was going to kiss me, but that moment passed when he stayed fixed in that position. _Of course, _a voice at the back of my head told me, _we'd only ever be friends. Nothing more._

I attempted to look away, to shake my head from his grip, but his hands stayed firmly on my head. "Lucy," his voice was loud, but gentle, "look at me."

"I am," I muttered.

His eyes gleamed fiercely. "I'm going to be okay, I'm a big boy."

"I don't want you to go," I repeated, tears leaking from my eyes. "I don't want you to die."

"Die?" He questioned, quirking an eyebrow. "Lucy, I'm stronger than that. I don't die easily. To tell you the truth, I'm more worried about you."

I choked back another sob. "Me?"

"What will you do for missions and paying the rent? That's why I thought you were asking me not to leave."

I shook my head and sniffed. "Doesn't matter," I mumbled.

"Yes, it does," he proclaimed fiercely. "It matters to me."

And then he really did kiss me. His lips crushed against mine in hungry passion. I didn't fight it. I did the only thing that I could think of with my mind spinning from blood loss and surprise; I kissed him back. After a mind-blowing minute, we broke apart. I stared into his eyes in astonishment and he stared back.

"If it matters, then why are you leaving?"

"I have to do this." My words had barely reached my own ears and I marveled at how his had picked it up. "I have to find Igneel."

"I know," I sighed miserably. "Gods, I am so selfish."

Natsu cupped my chin. "No, I understand."

-00000000-

Cold nipped at my nose and snow crunched underneath my boots. A warm hand gripped at my own, sending heat up my arm and swelling into my chest. I felt my lower lip quivering, but I clenched it. I wasn't going to cry now.

I was going to be strong.

"What about everyone else?" I questioned.

He gave me a goofy, lopsided grin down at me. "I said bye to them back at the guild."

I snuggled deeper into his side and we continued walking in silence. It wasn't awkward; it was more comfortable than anything. This moment could've stretched on for an eternity and I wouldn't have minded. It was absolutely perfect.

But of course it had to end.

The gates of Magnolia appeared in our vision and my heart sunk at the thought of letting him go. I felt that his thoughts were the same when his arm tightened around mine. We trundled to a stop just outside the city limits and he turned to me.

"I'll be back in year," he breathed to me, pressing his face into my hair.

"Promise?" I drew back slighting, gazing straight into his eyes.

He grasped hands. "I promise."

"And I promise to become stronger so you won't have to worry."

He chuckled slightly. "I'll always be worrying about you, Natsu."

I playfully punched him and he swooped down to capture my lips in a long, sweet kiss. My heart sped up; I could feel it banging against my chest. Slowly I wrapped my arms around his neck, dragging him deeper into the kiss.

Unfortunately, like all good kisses, it had to end. A loud, "Hey!" interrupted us and we were forced to break apart. Turning to face the perpetrator of the shout, we were met by Gray, Erza, Juvia, and even Gajeel trudging towards us.

"What are guys doing here?" Natsu asked, confused.

"Do you think we'd leave with a goodbye like that? Come on, Natsu, I thought you were more than that." Gray paused for a moment, surveying how close Natsu and I were. "But now I can see why."

I blushed deeply, but Natsu just laughed. Erza remained silent for a minute, and then without any warning she began walking towards us. I tensed, my thoughts rushing to what she could do to us. Instead she hugged us, a very un-Erza thing to do.

And standing there, with Erza's arms wrapped around me and Natsu, everything seemed all right.

**So what do you think? Like it? Dislike it? Want to crumple it up, set it on fire, then roast marshmallows on it? Just an idea I've been toying with for a while, I'm not sure how much I like how it turned out. Ah, well.**

** -Jay**


End file.
